toad press

Today's Short Essay: 10-31-2026

Today is Halloween. When we were kids, this was such a momentous day. Specifically, we’d spend the day eagerly anticipating the coming night. When night struck, we’d fly to the streets clad in costumes and flinging around pillowcases or plastic pumpkin buckets to collect as much candy as possible. I hope kids still enjoy the day the way we used to. I often wonder about how the experience of childhood today is altered or informed or warped by modern technology and constant connectedness. My hope is that, despite the constant virtual connections between kids, they are still connecting in person on a day like today.

Speaking of childhood, one of my favorite memories surrounding this holiday is that of the classroom Halloween party. Our teachers would really go the extra mile to decorate their classrooms, fill the free tables and desks with activities and treats, play compilation CDs with songs like ‘monster mash’ or ‘thriller’ on loop. Again, I hope this still happens but I am happy I have the memories of these mid-to-late ‘90s parties easily available for recall. Beyond the construction paper spiders with googley eyes and hard plasting bat rings on fingers lies the pure element of surprise and joy and thrill.

Some Halloween nights would greet us with the first snow flurries of the season, an equally unexpected thrill. Some Halloween nights would bring forth warm movie nights and homemade karo syrup popcorn balls. Some Halloween nights brought the awkward liminal questions of, “am I too old for this?”

I regret those questions but they were an essential part of growing up and drastically desiring being a teenager or an adult or, just simply put, not being a kid anymore. I regret and lament those thoughts. Adulthood is nice but, especially in today’s modern atmosphere, it’s lost a lot of the wonder and magic I remember. But, I suppose that may also just be nostalgia speaking.

This Halloween I am happy for a gloomy midwest atmosphere, crisp autumn air and a desperate longing for a ‘Ghostbusters’ re-watch and maybe a sticky popcorn ball or two.

-Tariq

Older Entry: 10-28-2026

Last night, my wife and I finished watching ‘Insomnia’ by Christopher Nolan. It is one of his earlier films, released in the early 2000s. A gripping detective murder ‘mystery’ story set in the constant glow of neverending Alaskan sunlight, it’s a film that has signature Nolan storytelling throughout. This was my second viewing (the first being sometime in college, maybe 2012?) and the first for my wife. By the way, I put ‘mystery’ in quotes up there because within the first 30-40 minutes of the movie you know who the murderer is; both of them. The remainder of the film is the carefully filtered suspense of how the conflict will resolve. What drew me to reflect on this film isn’t so much of a critical analysis or hot take, but rather a peculiarity I noticed and, perhaps, could have only noticed after a 10+ year rewatch of the film. And that peculiarity is of performance.

There is a lot about a film I have only viewed once many years ago that I assume I would forget. For example, the crux of the movie is the tension between ‘the good cop’ (Pacino) trying to bring in the killer of a young girl and the fact that he ‘accidentally’ killed his partner in the opening pursuit of said murderer. The questionable accident of it all stems back to an ongoing investigation by internal affairs into Pacino’s character for tampering with evidence on a past murder case…and his partner is willing to make a deal with internal affairs leaving him hanging out to dry. So…did he accidentally kill his partner during that fateful pursuit, or did he do it to ‘hush’ him permanently and prevent him from making the deal that could unwind and ruin his long and decorated career? This is a question that comes up as the movie progresses and as the theme of sleeplessness, insomnia, and guilty conscience play out on the stage before us. All of this to say…I literally forgot this was the central plot of the movie. I remembered very little about the film to be honest other than the actors and the moody vibe. Which brings me to the next surprising and peculiar point.

I forgot the central and core plot points of the film, but I remembered almost all of Pacino’s acting beats. In a strange, sublime, unfettered way, I knew he was going to make a certain facial expression or gesture or break out into a specific action before it happened. This surprised me. I expect myself to understand these beats for a film I have viewed countless times, not one that I watched on a random college night over a decade ago. This also got me thinking, what goes into a good performance?

I hope I am not the first to inform you of Al Pacino’s acting prowess. If I am, you have some film homework to do - that, or you don’t care much for gritty, dark, crime dramas. Or, you are of the youngest generation who consumes media in the form of shorts, reels, TikTok’s, etc. If you are in this category, just know Pacino is a good actor. As a sidebar, I actually don’t know what kids wear these days but when I was in middle school and high school certain students (who some may label as degenerates, falsely) could always be found wearing a ‘Scarface’ t-shirt at least once a week, and this was a good twenty years after the movie released. I am sure his cultural relevance has waned, but I reckon you can probably still find kids wearing ‘Scarface’ shirts today. Regardless, he is a good actor and I realized something novel about ‘good acting’ last night while watching ‘Insomnia.’

Good acting isn’t necessarily the high stakes drama or screaming or tears flowing or classic lines, it is the extreme subtlety hidden behind all of that. I didn’t remember many lines he uttered in the movie but I remembered his mannerisms and actions, the way he carried his character and the things he did to enhance the spellbound realism of the story to the viewer. Through those subtle actions, not only did he bring the character to life, but it left a great impression on my subconscious.

I’m curious how many other old films - films I viewed only once - could offer a similar experience to me, now that I am older and have years behind my shadow. If a viewing experience is like a finely aged cheese or other delicacy, a good performance by an actor makes that product taste even better.

That’s it for today’s short essay. If you haven’t seen ‘Insomnia’ - give it a watch! It’s a great film with great performances and it really shows the breadth of voice Christopher Nolan has as a filmmaker, especially in his early years where he is finding his legs and learning to sprint.

Lately I’ve been thinking about old NewGrounds halloween flash collaborations…oh how time has flown by. Have a great day!

-Tariq

08-17-2026 Entry

Yesterday, while taking care of chores around the home, I put in some headphones and searched my phone for a good album to play. When doing simple tasks I find it easier to pass the time while listening to something that is not chaotic, something that enriches my mind while my body carries out the cleaning and organizing. I’m not sure how my thumbs led me there, but I ended up looking at ‘The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time’ soundtrack on my phone screen and clicked ‘play.’

The funny thing about listening to an old video game soundtrack is the memories it plants in your mind while you’re listening to it. The soundtrack was arranged in chronological order, so I happily smiled as the songs carried me through Link’s journey from start to finish. What I ultimately realized is that I was essentially reliving the game, or more accurately, allowing my mind to remember myself playing the game many years ago.

It is interesting to note that, while listening to the songs alone, I was able to visualize different areas in Hyrule, different dungeons, and different characters. What became even more interesting, however, is that as the tracks progressed and as my listening time added up, it was almost as if my memory recall improved as well. I started remembering things on a small scale in addition to those on a larger one.

I began remembering the sound of Gold Skulltulas scurrying on walls, hidden in plain sight. I also remembered different mechanics like planting magic beans and seeing them grow into full plants once the Song of Time is played and the master sword is pulled from its pedestal. I remembered different battles and situational requirements for defeating enemies simply by hearing specific battle tunes again. I also recalled aspects of the story that were long trapped in the recesses of my mind.

This short column is obviously about my long-held love for ‘The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time’ but it is also a testament to the power music has at unlocking hidden or forgotten memories. I believe this is a facet of life that is exclusively attained as we age. Oftentimes, people wince at the thought of getting older or growing up. There are many reasons to support these thoughts. However, being able to listen to a soundtrack filled with tracks that I haven’t heard in over twenty years and, simultaneously, being afforded the opportunity to recall those fond or heart racing memories is a true gem associated with growing. This cathartic response is not easily reached when we are young, it only is available to us as we tally days and months and years on our slate of life.

It may not be easy to sit down and replay those old games of our youth, but it is a lot easier to listen to a soundtrack and revel in the delightful memories that flood our minds. And, I think it is important to engage in this practice, whether it is with an old video game soundtrack or one associated with a movie or TV show, or even an old album. This is an important way to combat some of the sadness or longing for ‘times long past.’ Yes, those days are history, but they are not gone, not in all aspects. The emotions and memories of those days and experiences are lying dormant in our mind. Just like Link needs a special boss key to enter the final room of the dungeon, these special and uniquely personal blips of emotional release sometimes just require that special song to allow entrance.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the past and the fun of my childhood. I am thankful that my thumbs led my phone to that old soundtrack to remember that the fun is still here, in the present. It’s only a click and a smile away.

Thank you for reading Toad Press today. I hope you have a great week ahead of you. One that is hopefully not as challenging or confusing as the Water Temple.

-Tariq